I liked the quiet, because it was such a contradiction of itself. An oxymoron of orchestral cacophony. A paradox of piercing peace.
Even when there seemed to be no sound, no murmur, nothing at all, you could always hear yourself. Your heart beat--bm-bmp, bm-bmp, bm-bmp. Your breath--in, and then out, and then back in again. Once, I heard that if you held your hands over your ears, it would sound like lava. I tried it, and now it's a habit when I think. You can hear your muscles and bones bubble and hiss and pop as they shift ever-so-slightly against each other, creating your very own volcano.
I'm familiar with the silences in my life. I don't live in a city, or near one, and I like it that way. I look out my window and I see hills, lots of them, and when the winds blows and the tall grass waves the hills look like an ocean. I've never seen one, but I imagine that when I finally do, I'll take one look and say, 'You know, the way those waves rush over each other and ripple reminds me of the hills where I grew up.'
I live in the panhandle of Oklahoma, very close to the spot where our state line meets with Colorado's and Kansas'. Did you know that the view is amazing despite the amount of hills? I hear about views from the top of mountains, but I don't think anything is better than seeing for miles and miles and miles and never leaving the midwest.
I don't really have any friends, but I decided long ago that I don't really need people in general. I'm pretty sure that I started listening--and I mean seriously listening--to music around that time, too. Donovan has been, and will always be, my favorite. The Beatles are a close second, but that should surprise no one, considering one of their largest musical influences...
So, really, I don't mind the silence at all--because it's never there.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Chapter Fourteen: Smash Upon the Silence
The first time Axel met Roxas, he was at a rock concert.
He didn't know the headlining band, or even any of the openers. Larxene had given him a ticket for free, though, and who was he to turn down a chance to damage his hearing? She'd said that originally she'd planned on going herself until Marluxia surprised her with "special plans for the two of them", but Axel was pretty sure that it had more to do with his birthday next week than Larxene's pink-haired boyfriend.
It was one of those concerts with a mixed audience; that is, half of the crowd was like him--noisy, college-aged, and just wanting to feel the excitement--while the remainder seemed to be too young to even be legally allowed into the building. Axel was almost starting to regret coming. No bands had taken the stage, the building itself smelt like several somethings had died in it and decayed, and he knew that sending him to a show practically stamped "unpleasant" was just the sort of sadistic, evil thing that Larxene would do, even to a friend.
Getting a little annoyed at the severe lack of music so far in his night, Axel decided to take a break from the people invading his personal bubble (despite his tendency to violate others' space, one of Axel's pet peeves was too many people, too close to him). He shoved past a short brunette girl--and holy crap there was no way she was even in high school--and made his way towards a promising-looking hallway that either led to fresh air (hurrah, no sweat!) or the bathrooms.
It turned out to be the former as he pushed through a set of doors and was smacked in the face with the biting cold air. Shivering a little, Axel folded his arms, and decided to lean against the brick wall next to the doors. Only then did he finally notice the only other person in the back alley.
He--Axel thought it was a he, at least--was about a head shorter than Axel (or so he guesstimated; it was hard to tell, what with the slouch the other had going on) with blond hair, wearing an outfit almost entire composed of checkers, and... had a lit cigarette between his lips.
"Blondie, has anyone ever told you that you're waaaaayy too young to be smoking?" This would be one of those moments where Axel was trying to be clever. Plenty of people told him it just made him sound stupid, but by then it was already a habit.
"Blondie" startled, as if he hadn't heard the door opening and someone else joining him outside, looked up, and ooooohhh my God, there was no way that eye color wasn't from contact lenses. Axel was, of course, way too preoccupied with staring into cobalt-blue eyes like a teenaged girl to notice that said eyes were being used to glare at him.
"How old are you?" To his credit, Axel did manage to snap out of his daze when he noticed that he was being questioned.
"Twenty-one," he replied, just glad that he could speak without faltering.
"I'm twenty, jack-ass," "Blondie" snarled, as he dropped his now-finished cigarette to the concrete and ground it out with his shoe.
"Uh..." Axel stared, and felt completely and totally embarrassed for the first time since his junior year in high school. "Sorry... It's just... y'know... you're kind of short."
"Oh, okay, so first you preach at me, and then you insult me?" The blond stepped forward from where he'd been propped against the wall, staring up at Axel with disbelief in his eyes. Great--so now the cutest guy Axel'd seen in forever didn't just think he was an ass, but also couldn't believe how much of one he was.
He scrambled to make up for his mistake. "W-well, your height makes you look cute!" The moment that last word slipped out of his mouth, Axel knew he was doomed. Shit! That was so not what I was trying to say!
Blue eyes narrowed, but this time their owner didn't say anything at all. Instead, he decided to move forward and go back inside--but not after elbowing Axel rather painfully in the ribs.
"Ow!" Axel exclaimed, whipping around and letting his slight anger and frustration get the better of him for a moment. "Watch it, blondie! Your bones are pointier than you probably know!"
Without ever turning, the blond simply lifted a hand and gave Axel the finger.
And as the doors slammed shut, leaving the red-head with his bruised ego and memories of how many times he'd fucked up that night, Axel heard the faint sounds of a song being played from inside.
Words fall from my mouth
Like plates from shaking hands
Smash upon the silence
Of the smooth naked canal
Axel and Roxas (c) Square Enix
Evil and a Heathen by Franz Ferdinand
He didn't know the headlining band, or even any of the openers. Larxene had given him a ticket for free, though, and who was he to turn down a chance to damage his hearing? She'd said that originally she'd planned on going herself until Marluxia surprised her with "special plans for the two of them", but Axel was pretty sure that it had more to do with his birthday next week than Larxene's pink-haired boyfriend.
It was one of those concerts with a mixed audience; that is, half of the crowd was like him--noisy, college-aged, and just wanting to feel the excitement--while the remainder seemed to be too young to even be legally allowed into the building. Axel was almost starting to regret coming. No bands had taken the stage, the building itself smelt like several somethings had died in it and decayed, and he knew that sending him to a show practically stamped "unpleasant" was just the sort of sadistic, evil thing that Larxene would do, even to a friend.
Getting a little annoyed at the severe lack of music so far in his night, Axel decided to take a break from the people invading his personal bubble (despite his tendency to violate others' space, one of Axel's pet peeves was too many people, too close to him). He shoved past a short brunette girl--and holy crap there was no way she was even in high school--and made his way towards a promising-looking hallway that either led to fresh air (hurrah, no sweat!) or the bathrooms.
It turned out to be the former as he pushed through a set of doors and was smacked in the face with the biting cold air. Shivering a little, Axel folded his arms, and decided to lean against the brick wall next to the doors. Only then did he finally notice the only other person in the back alley.
He--Axel thought it was a he, at least--was about a head shorter than Axel (or so he guesstimated; it was hard to tell, what with the slouch the other had going on) with blond hair, wearing an outfit almost entire composed of checkers, and... had a lit cigarette between his lips.
"Blondie, has anyone ever told you that you're waaaaayy too young to be smoking?" This would be one of those moments where Axel was trying to be clever. Plenty of people told him it just made him sound stupid, but by then it was already a habit.
"Blondie" startled, as if he hadn't heard the door opening and someone else joining him outside, looked up, and ooooohhh my God, there was no way that eye color wasn't from contact lenses. Axel was, of course, way too preoccupied with staring into cobalt-blue eyes like a teenaged girl to notice that said eyes were being used to glare at him.
"How old are you?" To his credit, Axel did manage to snap out of his daze when he noticed that he was being questioned.
"Twenty-one," he replied, just glad that he could speak without faltering.
"I'm twenty, jack-ass," "Blondie" snarled, as he dropped his now-finished cigarette to the concrete and ground it out with his shoe.
"Uh..." Axel stared, and felt completely and totally embarrassed for the first time since his junior year in high school. "Sorry... It's just... y'know... you're kind of short."
"Oh, okay, so first you preach at me, and then you insult me?" The blond stepped forward from where he'd been propped against the wall, staring up at Axel with disbelief in his eyes. Great--so now the cutest guy Axel'd seen in forever didn't just think he was an ass, but also couldn't believe how much of one he was.
He scrambled to make up for his mistake. "W-well, your height makes you look cute!" The moment that last word slipped out of his mouth, Axel knew he was doomed. Shit! That was so not what I was trying to say!
Blue eyes narrowed, but this time their owner didn't say anything at all. Instead, he decided to move forward and go back inside--but not after elbowing Axel rather painfully in the ribs.
"Ow!" Axel exclaimed, whipping around and letting his slight anger and frustration get the better of him for a moment. "Watch it, blondie! Your bones are pointier than you probably know!"
Without ever turning, the blond simply lifted a hand and gave Axel the finger.
And as the doors slammed shut, leaving the red-head with his bruised ego and memories of how many times he'd fucked up that night, Axel heard the faint sounds of a song being played from inside.
Words fall from my mouth
Like plates from shaking hands
Smash upon the silence
Of the smooth naked canal
Axel and Roxas (c) Square Enix
Evil and a Heathen by Franz Ferdinand
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